i’m going on vacation this week. A nice break before i return to the final lap of my job.
So i’m posting my blog early so i can just enjoy the beach, the sand, and my partner before having to come back and face my future.
Not that my future is a bad thing. But distance helps me see the grander picture – and a panoramic view is exactly what i need.
We’re moving into our new building when i get back so this past Thursday was my last day in that office building on Regan street where so many life events occurred, sitting in that chair the one that housed my ass for 9+years, looking at that computer screen the one that started my new life as an Executive Assistant. And the one that ended it.
Everything is moving forward but on that Thursday? That day i wanted to sit in my memories – all 9 years and 10 months of them.
So i did.
But i also knew that i wanted to go on vacation with no unfinished business, no strings tethering me back – and there was still one big thing i had left to do.
While everyone knew i was leaving the Center, i hadn’t made it official – meaning i hadn’t turned in my “official” resignation.
And so my resignation letter was the last thing i wrote on my last day in that office.
When i got home, i searched my room for the letter that really had started the chain of events that led me here.
It was a letter i had written for myself (i didn’t submit it) back in December of 2015 when i first made the decision that it was time for me to move on.
i found it.
i compared the two side-by-side.
Writing that December letter was the first step in getting myself into a space brave enough to start taking the actions required to actually leave.
It was for my eyes only but it help me visually picture myself leaving. Writing that resignation letter, even though i had no intention of turning it in, made me feel like it was possible. That one day (soon) i could write and turn it in for real.
But what’s interesting to note is that December letter was written by a girl who was frustrated and just wanted out of her current job because she knew it was way past time to go. A girl whose spirit, creativity, and spontaneity was slowly being snuffed out by the montony and rise and grind of her 9 to 5.
The letter i actually turned in was written by a woman who just realized what she was giving up to become who she needed to be. It was written amid tears and a smidgen of sadness.
Because the truth of everything is: i loved this job. i love my boss. i love the Center and all the work we do.
But i love myself more.
And sitting in that chair for the last time, i finally understood THAT’S what i was waiting on, what i have always been waiting on – me.
Me to be ready. Me to take the next step. Me to leap.
Me to write that first letter and start the chain that now leads to me typing up these words.
What letter do you need to write yourself today?
Take 10 minutes. Write that.
You never know what kind of ripple, momenteum that one letter will start.
P.S. i finished the book Rework this week. Short, quick, easy to digest read with lots of pages of profoundness (67, 70, 72, 83, 148, 251). Lately, i’ve been itching to throw away everything in my life – clothes, books, this website – and start from zero. That extremity, of course, prompts major heart palpitations so i’ve decided to take baby steps in the spirit of Kaizen and begin with decluttering. i’ve decluttered my home office, (some of) my books, and i’m working on decluttering this site. While this too has been a long time coming, i was even more inspired by page 80, “You don’t make a great museum by putting all the art in the world into a single room. That’s a warehouse. What makes a museum great is the stuff that’s not on the walls.” So i’m trying to take some shit off my walls. i’m curious to see how far and how long this goes . . .