This week it hit me – hard.

“It” being everything i’m giving up for a chance, on a chance to be and do me. i have been dreaming about this moment for the past three years.

But at that moment none of it matter. Only fear and worry did.

i was blah to blahest degree.

i worried.

i cried.

i worried some more.

And then Monday afternoon, my partner swooped me up from my blahfest and whisked me off to a land of play.

It was the escape i needed and the reminder i didn’t know i needed.

We drove home in a beautiful lightning show. The night sky lit up like a strobe light, lightning bolts shaped like arteries . . .

And my eyes saw what my mind was constantly trying to remind me:

The universe has my back. It always has. Always will. 

The universe has never let me down; why would it start now?

The answer is: it wouldn’t. It won’t.

But sometimes – not often – i need to see it with my own eyes. The power this universe holds, it’s ability at the drop of a hat to change weather courses, to naturally light up the night sky with its own electricity, to hold up the weight of me.

As i journey into my last few days as an employee for someone else, i’m slowly beginning to give up the notions of a man-made safety net – those that come from the illusions of a steady paycheck and knowing where your rent money is going to come from – and welcome a universal one.

The one that was there when i made the two week leap at 21 to move from Corpus to Austin without a job, without a back-up, without a plan.

The one that was there when i made the leap at 24 to go to college and begin a brand new career in modern dance.

The one that was there when i leaped from one relationship to my forever one.

And the one that will be here with me as i leap from a decade of servitude into a lifetime of art, creativity, and me.

All i have to do is believe.

i believe.

Do you?

Here’s to believing that you are not only the leap but the net too!

xo-b

 

 

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