You can read my words by scrolling below or you can hear me read it with you here.
We are always evolving.
If we’re not evolving, we’re stagnating. And stagnation = death.
Life requires movement – of energy, of blood, of our heart, of ourselves.
Over the course of 38 years, i have been through many incantations of myself: artist, belly dancer, activist, feminist, academic, drag artist, writer, choreographer . . . to name a few. And while each version of myself is in and of itself its own chapter, all of these bits and pieces make up my whole. And right now, i could use a bit of wholeness . . .
These last few years, i’ve been afraid to merge personal beliefs, my activism, and my strong (highly opinionated) voice publicly into my art and into my writing. i was scared to alienate sects of my community, lose friends and disrupt my LOA (Law of Attraction) alignment. i spent so much time giving myself all the reasons why i couldn’t share all sides of me that i forgot the most important reason why i should: because someone, somewhere might need it.
This past week, i wrote something that allowed me to catch a glimpse of the person i could be if i allowed all sides of my selfs to shine through. In baring myself, i was told to grow up, get a clue, stop complaining, and be a productive member of society, to move out of America maybe to the Middle East, to stop my pathetic whining. Get over yourself and get over it.
But i was also thanked for my sharp poignant words, retweeted by Wanda Sykes, emailed by Canadians in solidarity, and told to never stop writing.
And the love and solidarity i felt by the many emails, tweets, and texts i received over these last 7 days were enough to convenience me that it was time to claim my wholeness. To claim every single layer, contradiction, side, perspective, and incantation of myself in order to create the kind of change i’m pulled to do.
Now more than ever, we have to push all our fears aside and do the work we are called to do. We need to trust ourselves (not the media, not our politicians, not popular belief or mainstream opinions) to know what’s best for us — that includes questioning and disagreeing with everything and everyone, including myself.
We need to know that we don’t have to choose to be either/or. We need to know we can (and must) be both/and.
We can be both radical and inclusive. Both peaceful and militant. Both silent and vocal. Both magical and grounded. Both in light and in darkness. Both pissed off and aligned in positivity. Both an inspiration-er and hell-raiser. Both Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X.
And here’s something else i needed to hear through all this: it’s okay . . . . it’s okay to be and feel all these things and more — sometimes all at once, sometimes one at a time.
It’s okay for me to grieve and do . . . nothing. It’s okay for me to zone out in the middle of conversations to worry about the future of my queer, brown, and female identified sisters and brothers. It’s okay for me to still be grieving, to still feel like there is an insurmountable hill that i have to climb . . .
It’s okay for me to reflect, rethink, and reorganize on what it is i want to do – in business and in life.
It’s okay for me for me to shift in a direction that i know i can never come back from . . .
And it’s okay for me — and YOU — to feel however the fuck we’re feeling: revolutionary, solemn, blah, angry, depressed . . . changed. Forever changed . . .
At some point, i will bounce back from this – we will bounce back from this. But today is not the day. Today i’m still processing, still trying to understand what happened and what i can do to create change.
But that doesn’t mean i’m not prepared to fight right here, right now.
What it means is that in my silence i am preparing my voice to sing in harmony with my marginalized brother, sisters, and gender nonconformists. i am preparing myself for the four-year battle armed with a revolution of words in a mountain of hope surrounded by both love . . . and anger.
In love, light, dialogue and solidarity,
P.S. i am a safe space and my email: email@example.com is always open if you need to talk and/or process.