i have been dealing with perfectionism/perfectionist tendencies since … oh, well BIRTH.
And this space right here — my blog — is DEFINITELY one of the biggest spaces that perfectionism rears its insane standards head.
i’ve left my blog empty for months and months (hell, YEARS) because i couldn’t get whatever it was that wanted to be said, said and shared perfectly.
Which means i would rather get NOTHING out than something that didn’t appear perfect for you and the rest of the online world. Why? Because somewhere along the way in life, i equated perfectionism with success and success with the appearance of perfection, of having it all.
Perception is reality.
And the fact is, in some way, shape, or form we all believe in the need to be perfect because everywhere around us is some sort of bought proof that it’s possible. That perfection is attainable.
We open up any given magazine and we are bombarded with all the airbrushing, photoshopping, and body sculpting that screams YOUR BODY NEEDS TO BE WAIST CINCHED TO BE PERFECT. Or you butt needs to be injected with your own fat so you can then honestly say “It’s yours” and “NO, I DID NOT HAVE ASS SURGERY.”
We put the magazine down and then scroll through Instagram and all up in our feed are stylized shoots, “influencers” who appear to be working and making a bazillion dollars from the beach, and other people sharing their perfectly curated lives.
We turn on the TV. Same thing. We get in our car to just drive and get away from it all and WHOOP! There’s a billboard with Victoria’s Secret models.
It’s too much fucking pressure. And i’ve decided to break up with perfectionism in my standards, my beliefs, and my work.
i’ve slowly been shifting out of my perfectionist mentality by framing everything i do, write, and share as being the 1.0 version of itself — kinda like the first iPhone or the 1.0 version of a program.
It’s been helping mucho in my personal world of writing, but on this public space? Not so much.
This morning i read Austin Kleon’s newsletter — something i haven’t done in a while. Austin is the author of 2 simple but extremely profound books Steal Like An Artist and Show Your Work — the latter i read all in one day.
i clicked on one of his links which redirected me to his blog.
And you know what he was doing?
Writing and sharing something pretty much EVERY DAMN DAY.
Some days its short and sweet. Some days it’s about what he’s discovered, what he’s reading or writing. Other day’s it’s his creative work. He shares with his people all. the. time.
You know what he doesn’t do?
He doesn’t wallow in perfection or only share his thoughts when he has profound things to say or when the picture is perfect. He shares his life, his work, his creativity as is.
You know what i do?
Nothing besides hoard all the above because it’s not perfect. It’s not profound — neither of which i will ever be able to obtain because 1. i don’t have 5 additional hours to obsess over it to make sure it’s 100% dope and 2. Because perfect doesn’t exist anywhere else other than our own minds. And even then perfection is subjective.
What you see as a perfect: the perfect body, face, writing, art piece, app, i may find hideous and gross. And what i view is as flawless and perfection could be something that would leave you wondering, “Is that bitch crazy?!”
So today, i’m telling perfection to go fuck itself and i’m allowing myself to just show up for you and myself. On this blog. On my Instagram. In my writing. In my weekly(ish) Gente Letters aka my email newsletter.
Just as i am.
Imperfections and all.
Every damn day.*
i hope you will greet me openly flawed – and 100% accepting of it — arms too.
Lots of Friday love to you mi gente!
* Well, as close as i can humanly come to it.