Yesterday i was supposed to write this post.
i started it twice. Once with the intention of sharing with you in the same manner i have been for the past 4 weeks on Sundays.
This week was kinda epic.
Not only did i get some serious writing done, but i have a few ideas for titles (way too soon to settle on any, but it’s nice to see options flittering in my brain).
The second was way more truthful.
i’m drained.
Like, my brain hurts from being stretched drained.
The truth was obviously more the latter and instead of trying to intellectualize it, i decided to feel it. Like, step away from the page and really feel what it is i was feeling.
i decided to take a one day sabbatical from myself, i.e. trying to make art or process my daily life in ways that could potentially be art.
Which really means – instead of trying to force myself to do, i let myself just be.
Instead of writing, i binge watched from 7pm to 2am Lena Dunham’s Girls while reading her book “Not That Kind of Girl.”
It was refreshing. It was real. It was exactly what i needed.
And even though i was enjoying just being, there would be moments in the show that triggered a memory and inspired me to scribble a phrase or a paragraph about my life that was way more poetic and real than anything i could have forced myself to write that day.
As creatives, we create through the breaks – meaning even when we think we’re off, we’re not. And even though our mind is absorbed by other things (like how fucking amazing is Lena Dunham’s brain?!?!?) our creativity never stops. It’s a different kind of creativity – one that is a little more laid back on itself, one that isn’t trying to play judge and writer concurrently, and one that may be a tad bit more truthful in its simplicity – but we create nonetheless.
i woke up this morning feeling refreshed and at peace with what had clouded me yesterday:
i may always be and feel like an outsider in communities that already are in the outskirts of ‘normal’ life and society, but that’s my truth. And i’m okay with that.
Because i’m still creating.
Here’s to accepting your truth however fringe-like it may be :).
Love, light + creating through the breaks,
b
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